Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
