Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize