I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
