She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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