I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
