I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
