His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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