Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
