My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
