Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize