so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
