Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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