two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
