there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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