Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
