My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
