Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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