I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
