And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize