She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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