I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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