I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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