it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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