I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
