Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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