I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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