Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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