Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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