I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
