just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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