I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
