he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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