I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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