even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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