You're completely useless in the revolution.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
