you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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