Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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