I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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