I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize