Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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