Non-Jews are for practice
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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