five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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