did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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