sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
