its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am one with the molecules
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
