Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
