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Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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