Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize