her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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