Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
