Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
