Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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