I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
