haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize