He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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