i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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