my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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