She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
