So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
