girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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