What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
