all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
