Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
