apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize