There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
