are you still at the devil's house?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
