She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
