I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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