oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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