Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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