Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
